7th April 2012

Dear All,
I realise now that my earlier decision to drop the Round Robin in favour of the more personal missive was well-meant but poorly-thought out. Why not have both? It appears I am getting sluggish in my thinking. In the past, when faced with a choice of this or that, it has been my way to choose both. When did I lose that Freddie Mercury attitude? - “I want it all and I want it now!” No matter. It is back, at least in the matter of letter-writing. So, here is a general update of the last few days at Keysland and the start of life in Lincs.

It took a while to finish the kitchen and bathroom improvements at Keysland. Gremlins kept popping out and working their mischief. For every two steps forward there was an unforeseen step back; a technical problem here, a practical problem there. But for a day or so, the house was lovely. Eventually, the kitchen repaid the effort that went into designing it although the proof of the pudding will be how much it sways prospective tenants.

Before I ordered it, I asked friends’ wives what they would like in a kitchen. Naturally, this varied according to the size of family and therefore the needs of the woman I was speaking to. The most influential contribution came from my neighbour Natalie. She is a mum of three, ranging from 7 - 13. As that family has the demographic I am looking for in prospective tenants, Natalie had the most say in the design, although, anyone who offered an opinion had their views considered - except male mates whose opinion was generally along the lines of “What do want to change your kitchen for? It looks fine to me.”

The ladies though, while rarely voicing an open criticism of a 20 year-old kitchen, spoke volumes via the expressions on their faces. The same thing happened when I was trying to sell it back in 2007. The disappointment on the faces of the women who viewed the house and its sluggishness in selling, made me revisit my thoughts on not changing the kitchen and bathroom, and general freshening, like the removal of dado rails, replacing tired carpets here and there, smoothing of Artexed ceilings and repainting throughout. Let’s see how its current appearance affects its marketability.

After all of the work was done, the house’s appearance was pleasing - for well over a day. Then, the removals men delivered the boxes for packing and the house degenerated into chaos again. Its untidiness was just part of the discomfort. Not having to hand something that you need because it’s in a box somewhere, also is annoying. There were a lot of these irritations in the last couple of months, firstly from the ‘refresh the house’ work and then from the ‘I’m unavailable because I’m hiding in a box’ effect. Here in Lincs, the annoyance comes from things still hiding in boxes but also from this house being a lot smaller than Keysland. I can take them out of the boxes but there’s nowhere to put them.

It is fair to say, that no one is to blame but me. I have too many possessions. Bill Groves was helping me pack my kitchen and observed as he wrapped a dozen coffee cups and saucers… “For a bloke that lives on his own, you’ve certainly got a lot of cups.” A fair point, well made. The cups he was wrapping had not been used in years. Why did I have them? Simple, they were in the back of a cupboard and so - “Out of sight, out of mind”. How many of you practice this mantra? When I find them again, a local charity shop will be getting a visit.

Similarly, I have brought a dozen suits with me that will never see the light of day. The only use I have for a suit nowadays is to attend a funeral. So, there we have the need clearly defined - one dark suit, one white shirt, one black tie, one pair of black shoes and a sad expression. The other 100 or so ties will, when I find them, go the same route as the suits. Spalding’s charity shops will think Christmas has come early.

I called British Heart Foundation yesterday to come and collect my conservatory furniture - the three piece suite and two coffee tables. Why did I bring them? Who knows? They only fitted in Keysland because that has a big conservatory. As there is no conservatory here, what was I thinking when I decided that they would fit in somewhere? I even paid extra to the removals people to include them in the list of things to bring after initial exclusion from the estimate. Senility is such a harsh word, and yet…

The move went well; sunny in Essex as we packed, sunny in Lincs as we unloaded. The bungalow was an obstacle course once the moving men left, and still is of course, with boxes stacked floor to ceiling in every room and the hallway. But with each moment that passes, except as I sit at this PC, boxes get emptied, things find a home or go on a list for charity shop re-assignment, and the paths between rooms grow ever wider, ever clearer. However, let me mention, there is still no guest bedroom, unless you know how to sleep standing up.

The back grass got cut on Day 1. At Keysland, I preferred to use my roller-driven hand mower to cut the grass as that gives a really nice finish (with stripes), but the lawns here are bigger and due to the fact that this place has been standing empty since Feb, that grass was longer and lusher. Luckily, there is also an electric rotary mower. That’s the Good News. The Bad News is, I hadn’t used it since 1997. Due to favouring the hand mower, this one has been hiding in a corner of the garage for 14 years. Luckily, it fired up first time and made short work of the back meadow, so now I have a back lawn with a bad haircut, still, it’s neater than it was.

Well, that is more or less an outline of the move. If you want the long version give me a call. I can moan for hours. There are a dozen stories of things gone wrong. Nonetheless, I am happy in my new place and becoming happier with each box that gets emptied. The study is slowly re-filling with books and guitars. The kitchen cupboards are reloading and a streamlining of the crockery inventory is imminent. All is well with the world. You are all in my thoughts - each and every one - yes, even you.