Dear All,
Good news - I have discovered The Secret Of Life, the trick of being at one with the Universe rather than, frustratingly, at odds with it, and it is this - COMFORT. But, before I go into what I have discovered and how, a little of my work history is a relevant preamble.
I was, on and off across the last 20 years, a project manager in Ford, not in title, but effectively. Systems I designed, tested and launched, helped users do their work. They were effective. They dealt with realities. To that end, I fought with some of my managers who were more concerned with pretence and appearances that assisted their career aspirations rather than our systems’ effectiveness. Luckily, in the early days of my time in systems design, my Ford of Europe management encouraged effectiveness. More on this further down. It was only in my twilight years that the other type of manager emerged.
Ford, like most large organisations, was and probably still is, a status-based organisation. Many managers thought they were important (and popular) because of their job title - disregarding the consequences of how they spoke to subordinates or how they conducted themselves generally. As I approached retirement, there were people above me who claimed the Project Manager title but in reality knew only superficially, what we were doing. They were less familiar with how the system worked or why it did what it did.
A notable exception is my good friend Norman Lyons who was a bugger for the detail. Norman always wanted to know the ins and outs of a duck’s ask and made the time in his management meetings to understand why something happened as it did or why it couldn’t happen. For most managers, this is rare; at director level, even more so - but in the long-term, this attitude brought benefits. For instance, when we started up Autoeuropa in Portugal in the early 90s (which is why I was in Portugal for five years), the experienced accountants at the Portuguese Accounting Centre (PAC) advised us most seriously that we couldn’t operate Self-billed Invoices (SBIs) in Portugal as this was against the law. They were correct; it was.
Now I appreciate that many of you will neither know nor care what SBIs are, however, just for the purposes of this story, it may help to know that - they are ‘when Ford raises an invoice on itself’, based on what’s been received at the plants, rather than wait for the supplier’s invoice. This is quicker for both Ford and its suppliers, avoiding invoices being lost in the post or the delays from disputes that arise when invoices are for what the supplier meant to ship rather than what they did ship. Best of all, as SBIs come from Ford’s own systems, their appearance is standardised. They look the same - regardless of supplier, and have the same data elements, which, when passed to other Ford systems (automatically), allows Ford to pay suppliers - automatically. Everyone’s a winner. Once suppliers in Britain, Germany and Spain got the hang of this, SBIs became very popular as they got paid with less fuss and dispute than by the old ways.
There are a host of other benefits but for the purpose of this story, this is all you need. Just understand that Ford management felt it was an advantage to have SBIs. Our biggest European suppliers thought so too - therefore it would have helped Autoeuropa, a joint venture with VW in Portugal at that time. Ford, VW and all the big suppliers wanted it, but, it was against the law in Portugal as they were still using very old practices.
Once Norman had understood enough detail to accept, surprisingly graciously for a bloke that was used to getting his own way, that it was against the law, he took the Ford Account Partner from Coopers & Lybrand out to lunch, explained the benefits to Autoeuropa and to Portugal, and asked that he in turn, approach the Portuguese Finance Minister to accept a trial. This is the short version of what happened. SBIs were accepted and Portugal was helped - less than 20 years after its revolution, to join modern financial Europe.
The point about this being ‘less than 20 years after the Carnation Revolution’ - is key. Until 1974, Portugal had been - for many years - under the control of an authoritarian dictatorship. To my Portuguese friends who read this letter, sorry about reminding you of those dark days but it is probably only the old men with fire in their bellies back then; João Mattos, and Rogério, if João passes it on, who will remember those harsh times. The important thing is that only 19 years after such a cataclysmic upheaval, an embryo Portuguese democracy was willing to embrace what must have been - to a new emerging society, dramatic and frightening technology and process changes. They had been used to and had become comfortable with, well-established, old, traditional commercial practices that had long been superseded in the technologically adventurous democracies of Western Europe. Accepting SBIs required great bravery on their part. It would have been so much easier to move more slowly.
As usual, I have drifted off-track. The intent of this preamble was to tell you about the background to comfort, so, let’s skim through the second part.
Prior to this, in the mid-80s, I was given the task of developing COMPAC, a system for the Sales companies around Western Europe. We still had the Iron Curtain then so our Sales companies were only in Western Europe. Sales companies bought cars from Ford of Britain, Germany and Spain (who made them), then sold them to the dealers in each country West of the Iron Curtain, ranging from Ireland to Finland down through the Nordic region, via the Low Countries into France, Austria and Switzerland, across to Italy and back to Portugal.
Now this too could drift into a few pages of stories on COMPAC, as Heaven Knows, there are a host of them, but it is enough to say that this was another system that brought comfort to users through the witchcraft of technology. Small Sales Offices around Western Europe were - let’s face it - bullied into accepting something that they didn’t want - but once grudgingly set in place, something for which they became most grateful.
And now you start to see where I was heading with all of this rambling preamble - Comfort is so often the unforeseen by-product of imposed initial discomfort. Nearly everyone who had the SBI concept forced on them at the beginning, didn’t like it but eventually wouldn’t be without it; same for COMPAC; same for me here in Lincs. The discomfort of an imposed change has brought benefits that a) were never envisaged and b) that are now cherished.
So, what is comfort to me? Easy, it is finding again aspects of pleasure at the ‘simple’ end of the spectrum. I have time once more. Time for what? Time for anything I want; a cup of tea, read a book, go for a walk, take a nap.
When I lived in Essex, I had pressures - even in retirement, mostly, self-imposed. I committed to too much: lunches, dinners, drinks with mates, golf, rock concerts, holidays… It was a roller-coaster. I remember running for a train over a bridge in Newport station struggling with a suitcase and golf clubs so I could rush straight from a golf weekend in East Wales to start a week of golf in South West Wales. I was 60. You’d have thought some sort of sense might have prevailed at some stage of all this tearing about - but, no. Rush, rush, rush. I must have fun. It was compulsory.
Still, that’s the way life is. Due to life and our, let’s be fair - despite hiccups, relatively comfortable financial positions, we have so much on offer to us that we are spoiled; big TVs in our homes, often more than one, bristling with Freeview, Freesat, Sky, Virgin and BT Vision; books and kindles, iPods and iPads, plus films and DVDs with Director’s Cuts and outtakes available to us in so many ways - even on our phones. Then there is the Internet with its wealth of information, maps, more books, poems and fascinating videos via YouTube, or the moving, dazzling spectacle that is a rock or classical concert. And then our hobbies, Yoga, gyms and Pilates, Salsa, Rhumba, Zumba, sport in so many guises, the theatre, worldwide travel embracing exotic holidays or just plain weekend breaks… What a list! We have a groaning table before us.
More importantly, consider - the surreptitious menace of the new social phenomenon FOMO - Fear Of Missing Out. From this subtle, stealthy, sub-conscious, rarely-recognised and yet pervasive influence, we try to do everything that is marketed as ‘pleasure’ or Mind, Body and Spirit-enhancing, without stopping to consider whether standing still and gazing into space with an empty head is one of the options, or how much simple pleasure that brings. Zen Buddhism calls it meditation. The Western World calls it wasting time.
Happily, a few of you write or call me to share those moments when you too indulge in the deep, milk-chocolate luxury of - doing nothing. It’s almost like we’re a secret society who must keep our practices hidden as they are only for the closet hippy. “Do Nothing! Wod-ja mean ‘Do nothing’! Why aren’t you showing the world how much you’re enjoying yourself?”
Comfort for me, is the freedom to follow my heart. To accommodate my nature and not to have to do something. While life has now delivered me to calm waters (in the main), sadly, there is one area of life where I am denied this.
There is a woman, an ogre I believe, at HMRC, who is creating problems through a love of pedantry. I owe them money - I agree, £35 if I’m not mistaken, and I am willing to pay it as soon as they tell me the exact amount that they want. But before they can do that she wants to reopen years where tax returns have been made, accepted and the tax paid - all because I started a company to keep me amused and the brain active (?) back in Jan 2008. It earned a few thou each year (before costs), and I have paid the £600 tax for 2009 and 2010. It was never intended to earn a fortune, just to keep my hand in with business practices and various computer applications like Word, PowerPoint and Excel, and perhaps Dreamweaver and Photoshop.
Although the company started on 3rd Jan 2008, I submitted first ‘year’ accounts to 31st Jan 2009 to align with the reporting period decided by Companies House. When you consider that my company earned a dribble of money - £177 profit for that first year, does it really matter that the tax return went to 31st Jan and not 2nd Jan 2009? Apparently it does. It seems the nations finance’s will be thrown into disarray and anarchy will reign if the tax on the profit from a dot of a company for the period 3rd Jan to 31st Jan2009 is reported in the wrong year.
Now when you consider, if the resultant tax amounts to ‘one penny’, that will be a surprise to me. I am alarmed that our nation’s finances are so precariously balanced that this will matter. But, we are in a recession so I suppose every penny helps. I consider it my duty to put this right so will recalculate that year’s accounts, the resultant tax, and the two years that followed. Now some of you may say, “Why not give them a call?” - a good point and a worthy suggestion. It is always better to talk rather than just exchange letters or emails. So much more can be achieved.
The answer is simple, from my experience of calling the 0207 number on their letters, I believe they must have a policy of not answering, possibly enshrined in law - but I am just guessing here. However, I am led to this conclusion by the following. If you call a number and it just rings and rings, there is a time limit (5 mins? 10 mins?- dunno), then BT cuts you off. Having called them on six separate occasions, that is my only experience of this number. I suspect the phone is in a cupboard and no one can find the key. It couldn’t be that they haven’t provided enough phone lines to cope with demand. I am sure they monitor how many calls go unanswered so that they can adjust the facility accordingly. I saw this technology at JP Morgan Chase bank in Bournemouth in 2000 so I know it exists. No doubt HMRC are considering a measured response.
Having read and reread what she wants me to do for the open tax year and the two (previously-believed-to-be-closed) tax years, I had to smile. This could only happen in the overstaffed, uncoordinated and hopelessly amateurish and unrealistic public sector. We, the pendant and I, are going to be polishing my accounts to her satisfaction for some time to come. I will be as cooperative as she needs. After that, if it makes £1 of difference from what has been paid so far, plus the £35 that I think I owe, then I will sponsor the next one of you to run the London Marathon for £50.
More realistically, we, the pedant and I, will spend quite a lot of HMRC time and therefore public money, gilding the lily for a company that if it paid 100% tax, would make no impact at all on HMRC coffers. Having come from the private sector, I am appalled by how this woman is allowed to (expected to?) waste so much taxpayers’ money pursuing pointless detail. Surely by now someone in HMRC would have realised that it costs them money to chase small companies rather than have procedures that assess low value potential for positive cash flow.
But, for every cloud, there is a silver lining. I am chronicling all of this for an article that I hope to get published. Naturally, I have other stories to make this more interesting to the public, like the £11,000 fine they sent me when I first retired only to cancel that when they realised they had sent 63 (unjustified) fines to my address in Portugal for 9 years after I left, while they had a UK address for me all along in another of their departments. It seems HMRC departments don’t like to talk to each other. That only encourages cooperation and no one wants that.
Or the £13,000 from 130 x £100 fines that they sent to my son’s plastering firm, in 34 envelopes enclosing 130 return envelopes following a computer system changeover, which, when they realised the error - after my call, then got cancelled by another 130 fines - each for £0.00, in another 34 envelopes with another 130 return envelopes so we could send back 130 x £0.00. Great system design. No waste of computer time, paper, handling and postal costs there then?
There is more but I see the bottom of the page looming so suffice it to say that there is quite a bit of material if I find the time to write an article to tout around the tabloids.
For now, I urge you to join me in my pursuit of comfort via simplicity. Take your time. Do things properly not quickly. Smell the roses. Take naps and, in general, ask yourself honestly when your equilibrium is disturbed, “What does it matter?” So often the answer will be, it doesn’t.
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